John Legend

I belong to the group of people that 'cares too much about what other people think'. Which is, most of the time, the opposite of liberating. It keeps me from doing things that in my heart I know I want. And it puts thoughts in my mind that don't match my own thoughts at all.

Of course, the above has influence on me as a singer-songwriter; there are times I can't bare the thought of even one person disliking what I make, or finding it offensive. (Meaning there are also times, even if these times count 0,00001 seconds, I couldn't care less about it.)

But also, it affects me as a person in the way I try to live and love. One of the concerns that I've kept with me for a long time now (there are things that stay in your mind like a stone; in the bottom but always there, and things that are almost like a feather; they flutter in through your ear, and then you conclude the feather should fuck off, and off it goes; out through the other ear) is how to love. And then especially the 2 hands on one stomach thing (I know, very Dutch, what I mean is; how inseparabel you become, and the 'you have to create your own happiness' stuff).

I have a fear for becoming over attached, for not being able to feel good and happy by myself anymore. But, even though I think it's a lot nicer being together, I know this is not the case. I may miss Tom, and I my sometimes feel sad for not being with him.. but isn't that the point of a relationship?
I mean, lovers go and live together because they want to be together, because they become better persons because of each other, because it's nicer to live with someone than be alone (of course sometimes being alone is godly and terrible pleasant). 

You don't have this with your friends, at least I dont have this; I don't need to see my friends every day or every week, I even have friends I probably see or speak (mail/whatsapp/text/phone) once or twice a month.. and this is fine by me; I keep on loving them, and they stay in my mind and heart for all the time I don't see them. When I see them everything is as if I've only seen them yesterday for the last time. 

Anyway, I don't think I have a conclusion to this story, I sometimes just need to write to clear my head.. to slam my fist upon the table and think: Goddamnit I am RIGHT!

I started writing this blog after reading a John Legend quote somewhere on the internet, oh, it was a hard // hoofd article (Jesus, I almost forgot this while I read it like.. 5 minutes ago). I wish it was John Lennon who'd said it, I don't know how much I respect John Legend. Anyway: 

Friends may come and they may go / but through the years I know / I will stay with you.

Of course there's also a whole discussion to start on this quote.. like not knowing that stuff for sure and all.. but, ah well. For now I guess this was enough.

Love,

Fleur