I try not to listen, but sometimes it's hard not to. I want to do everything as right as possible, because I want to do what I'm doing now for as long as possible. And get better. And go to perform in other countries than just the Netherlands. Not that I'm not satisfied. But you know, I'm not Jan Smit. I've got bigger dreams and wishes. So sometimes, I choose the save way, to make sure I'm not doing anything that's not smart. Not saying stuff because people might think it's weird. But isn't every artist weird?.. or at least kind of? All those minds here and there and everywhere, we never have our thoughts on a line, or in a box. We think out of that, and so, our thoughts are everywhere. My thoughts are everywhere.
And then there is the, all art comes from depression and sadness and heart-brokenness. You can not write songs only about something happy, the sadness/madness/heart-brokenness, that is interesting. From those emotions, people do weird stuff. And I find people doing weird stuff extremely interesting. I like the hypocrite human, but just to write songs about. I like sarcasm and dumbness through confusion. It doesn't make me sad, it just makes me think.
I may be only 19, but I went through a lot already in my life. I missed lots of high school days because I was too tired to go, nobody said I was depressed, but I wasn't shiny happy either. People told me I was very intelligent, then told me I was not. People I loved betrayed me, in ways that were almost too hard to take. I betrayed myself. And I did things I will never be proud of, but also do not regret, because they made me into what I am, what I do and in what way I look at life. ('but how does a cliché become one anyway?')
I do not pity myself or anything, I passed that stage a long time ago. I know life's not fair, and that in that, everybody's got a share. Every person goes through horrible things. More horrible, less horrible, in a way that doesn't even matter.
I am proud of myself though, not always, not about everything, but sometimes an about some things. That I got clean in my class about something I was too scared to talk about, everybody was too scared to talk about, or too disgusted maybe. Something you might be able to guess, but something I'm still too scared about to talk about it here. People might think I'm weird. People might talk. It's always that isn't it? for everyone? I don't believe in people that truly don't give a shit about anything others might say about them. I say those people are created/imagined by people who needed a certain god like such. Like all the Christians, Catholics, Muslim, Jews etc. need a god.
We suffer the most from the suffering that we fear.
- Een mens lijdt dikwijls het meest door het lijden dat hij vreest.
- That is something my grandfather used to say, and I couldn't agree more.
I say, au revoir