dinsdag, april 9

Long time

no blog.

My life, at the moment, is quite like a storm that hasn't made up it's mind on storming or not. Are we going to kick up dust and move everything around? Or just keep calm for a while, almost like a welcome summer breeze? 
Every day and moment is kind of like that. Like a storm not knowing what to do with itself.

A while back, almost a month now I guess, I decided to quit school for 2 months. Taking some time of and filling that time with doing fun stuff, things that make me happy. And with physiotherapy (which turned out more like: drop down and gimme 20!! only then not that brute) (and I'm not wearing army suits), and with a therapist (which isn't really going that smoothly since there is a waiting period of 3 to 4 weeks). 
I'm actually quite amazed how I managed to not write blog while already doing 'nothing' for such a time. Ah well.

Also, last/this week, me and Tineke of Tree Like Fun decided to take a break. It just wasn't working for me, the same as school, only making me more stressed, more sad, more angry.. feeling my heart starting to race while typing even.. but making this decision, though a tough one (probably most for Tineke, who is still as fire spirited as ever), already makes me feel better. More at ease. More calm.

Thinking about starting school again the 13th of may can make that feeling of rest disappear in less than a second, but my thing will just be to not think of that then. If your leg hurts when you touch it, you shouldn't touch it, most dads would probably say.

Effie is snoring in her little hammock, making cute sounds now and then. This morning she jumped up on the couch where I was just finishing my coffe, and the carefully put her paws on my lap. Staring me in the eyes making sure it was okay.

For times like these, when you don't have anybody to predict the weather for you, and when you're alone in the storms and breezes, maybe it's best to think of all the things you do know.

- I can't live in a house for a long time without having any animals. Since I got a hamster on my (wild guess) 7th birthday, I've never not had a little creature to look after for more than 6 months. I just need that. Which makes me come to the thing I know for sure: later, I will have pets.

- I have long legs, this seems to be a benefit when walking and fitting into trousers or even getting compliments of other girls.
- I have lots of inspiring, loving and love-able people around me. Though, of course, you never know how long these people will be there, I think I can say for sure I will never be completely without. I have my family, my love, my friends, Effie. (fat effie)

- After a night's sleep, everything is better. (At least these dumb 1st world problems I'm dealing with ;-))

- Music, even if only listening to it, will always be something to brighten up my life. Crying to Regina Spektor's How, or dancing to Kid Creole and the Coconuts (Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy), will always work.

- Same for reading. Except I probably won't dance to any book.. but I do love the moments when you're in the train, and you need to take another one, but the book is SO EXCITED so you start reading while you're waiting on the next trains, standing in the middle of the station.

- The moon is pretty. It makes things seem smaller and less important. 

- I want to find a home with Tom. I want to make it into ours, and fill it up with whatever makes it more ours. 

- I quit my gym and I will never sign up for one again. (Hey, might not be a really interesting or hopeful  certainty, but at least it's one.)

- I will never kiss Alan Rickman. And I will never mind, regret or even want that. (So no need for jealousy of an old wrinkly man)

Another certainty is that I have to get my ass out of the chair and moving, 'cause I need to get to physiotherapy. Liftin' waits and shit, I'll be as strong as a damn truck.


5 opmerkingen:

  1. Fijn om weer wat te horen!
    Sterke beslissingen heb je gemaakt de laatste tijd, ten goede ook, respect :) Hoop dat je veel rust en inkeer vindt in deze periode. En dat de stormdreiging langzaam gaat liggen. :)
    Veel naar de maan kijken en slapen dus! Helaas is het morgen ofzo nieuwe maan, maaaar dat staat voor een nieuw begin. ;)
    Leuk dat je wilt gaan samenwonen! Zo fijn als je samen die zekerheid hebt :)

  2. Je had gelijk met dat je op een gegeven moment wel merkt wanneer genoeg genoeg is. Fijn om destijds zulke wijze woorden te hebben gekregen :)
    Haha inderdaad veel hemel staren en slapen. Uiteindelijk komt het altijd weer goed, dat is fijn.
    Ja echt heel leuk, heb er ook zo'n zin in! Jij gaat toch met je vriend naar Engeland en Ierland? Super gaaf!

  3. :)
    Ja, ik ga met mijn vriend op reis! Dat is bijna hetzelfde als samenwonen! :P Maar dat komt ook ooit nog wel. Hoop dat jullie een mooie plek vinden.

  4. Jaa super leuk! En dat is bijna t zelfde lijkt me idd ;p cool! Super veel plezier alvast! Hopelijk is er af en toe een blogupdate. Of niet natuurlijk! Want als je betere/leukere dingen te doen hebt is dat natuurlijk alleen maar leuker :)

  5. Goed om weer wat te lezen. Mooi lijstje. Ondanks de twijfelende storm lijk je toch best besluitvaardig :) Keuzes maken is nou eenmaal lastig. Jammer van TLF, maar dat zeg ik als fan, want ik vind wel dat je een goede keuze hebt gemaakt. Succes met psychotherapie!