2013/4

Goodbye 2013 and hello to 2014. I can't stay behind on all the thousands of blogs going down the 2013 memory lane. And secretly I also REALLY LOVE THEM. So here's mine.

2013 was a really tough year, but at the end of it I'd actually kind of forgotten about that. I didn't go to school for 3 months, and actually spent a lot of the first months of 2013 crying and stressing out about almost everything. Music really wasn't anything I could imagine being passionate about anymore and although I couldn't believe it would've stayed like that forever (I believe I am a singer-songwriter, a storyteller, and I just can't stop it even if I would want it) but sometimes it felt like it would. And I couldn't bare the thought of having to do 1,5 years of music academy. There were times I really seriously thought about quitting.
In those 3 months I started going to a physiotherapist and started seeing a therapist (well, that was the idea anyway, in the end I only started seeing one till after the summer holidays due to shitty employers and busy schedules).
In those 3 months Tineke and I decided to take a Tree Like Fun break 'cause I couldn't take it any longer, which was really hard and it still makes me sad thinking back to the moment we decided that. But in the end I am glad we did because it took a lot of pressure off of me. Just like the break from school did.

In 2013 I realized I had somehow lost complete trust in myself as a singer-songwriter. This is something I wasn't able to shake off, so the battle (or maybe 'negotiating' is more appropriate) will continue in 2014. I don't really know how but goddamn you little nagging voice in my head I will come to terms with you, and you will with me.

BUT (most of the times I guess, 'but' is followed by something negative, but now the positive will follow!) 2013 was also a year with a lot of great stuff.. so much great stuff and love which made me forget how tough it actually was (it really felt like the things I wrote about above where 2 years ago).
I got to spend some great time with my family and friends, and hear about their great news; some awesome mysterious book assignment, a little nephew taking his first steps, laughing with my sisters, my bestie moving in with her boy,
Tom and me celebrated our 1 year anniversary in August, which was a first for me, and we've been living together since December (I llllliiiiikkkeee!).
I read a lot of amazing books; The Fault in our Stars, 1Q84 and Eating Animals being my favorites (not necessary in that order).
I entered the Vegan Challenge, and started living more conscious (I decided for the 2nd time to stop eating fish, try to sub animal products with non-animals product whenever I can, really started paying attention to animal cruelty free make-up etc stuff).
I had some really great parties, Tineke's birthday party for example (with Ryan Gosling cake), and our Molenstraat party just before I moved out.
And I was a hair model on the catwalk OMG (that was weird).


I talked with Tom about resolutions yesterday, I kind of agree with resolutions being a to do list for the 1st week of Januari. But I also think it's good to set some kind of goals for yourself, and create a possibillity for a mindset you'd like to achieve.

For me 2014 will be about, like I said, regaining trust in myself as a singer-songwriter (also just as a human being by the way, geeeez issues much!) by doing stuff I'm too scared off or lazy to do.
I just bought a yoga mat, and my goal is to do some kind of sport once a week (this must be do-able I guess).
I am going to record an EP this year. And I'm going to graduate, I don't care with what kind of grade, grades do not matter.
I am going to continue trying to live greener and greener, being more conscious of the well being of the world, people and animals around me.
I'm going to perform again, on my own, as 0neTrickPony.

I would like to do more, be more, love more, love myself more, (it's okay to puke a little here) and think less, worry less.
Life is just life, nothing can happen, nothing can harm you. (Not literally these last things, of course I could get hit by a car and die, but that's beside the point)

Okay let's repeat the above 2 sentences but then without the sarcastic/cynical remarks I couldn't help myself writing.

I would like to do more, be more, love more, love myself more, and think less, worry less.
Life is just life, nothing can happen, nothing can harm you.

Also I these things above shouldn't be read as commands, they're just loving words whispered softly in my own ears while I cuddle myself looking into the mirror and smiling.

Okay one more time.

I would like to do more, be more, love more, love myself more, and think less, worry less.
Life is just life, nothing can happen, nothing can harm you.


I wish everyone the bestest new year they can get.
It's only 2014 once (read: YOLOOOOO!!!!)

Love,
Fleur



PS. I 'claimed' my blog via bloglovin', how awesome. Follow my blog with Bloglovin
PPS. If I ever write really shitty English just tell me, I try to do it right but sometimes.. sometimes..